How can I write this without sounding jaded, whingey, and just good 'ol fed up? Oh that's right, I am actually all of the above, so you'll just have to put up with the tone, sorry.
In the world of work some of my friends are known as 'mid career' by now, some, are referred to as 'middle management' or even above that. They have company Amex cards, company cars, drinks on the office tab and the occasional gift or financial reward.
I am a temporary teacher. Who wants more. I simply want the security of an ongoing job with view to permanence.
It's that time of year again. I'm writing reports, finalising selective high school applications, attending meetings and parent interviews. Everybody is looking forward to Christmas, the holiday break. I've been congratulated for a good job well done this year. However I am staring into an abyss of uncertainty and potential unemployment. And it sucks.
So get off your bloomin' arse! You say...
And I have! I've applied for 11 permanent jobs in 2 weeks. Registered with two agencies, and have attempted to register with The Catholic Education Office (just need to find 2 university transcripts and a JP for that one...)
And haven't heard a single thing... except for one agency, who says to call back next year...
And I'm wilting. I love my current job, every term I feel even stronger and more able to develop my role. I love (most of) my colleagues, and am becoming more involved in external school activities as my confidence grows. My current school has done wonders for me, I know that.
And I know the drill with the 'NSW system,' no worries there. My current school does not owe me anything, if anything I owe them for everything they have done for me! Once I'm finally in a permanent job I'm set for life so I should just hang in there and put up with it! And isn't there a teacher shortage? (So that's why I hear about the 100+ applications received per advertised teaching position right now?)
But it's been 5 years of waiting, I'm over 30 now, and my friends are having kids. And why do my older colleagues insist on my 'doing time out in the country?! I had my name down for that for 3 years, and nothing happened... what am I doing wrong? Or is there something wrong with the system?
But in the meantime I'm worried about paying the rent... and that I will become a purposeless wandering ghost of a casual teacher... I got into all of this because I actually wanted a career, not just a job to fill in gaps...
So I'm spending each day afraid to check my phone, and if there's a missed call with a message, I cross my fingers and wish so tightly that it might just be about a job. But... so far it's just been mum, or the bank calling, and I'm really hoping it will change.
It's easy to feel like you're failing in the NSW Education System... you really do feel like you're stranded on an island sometimes, where communication is impossible or you are deemed irrelevant.
I don't expect a medal, but after 5 years of temporary teaching, even having the phone answered at the other end of The NSW Department of Education feels like a small victory.
When will I feel like I belong (to the system) and that I am making a contribution (to my career?) hmmphh.