I recently turned thirty, but I have been putting off writing anything about it because I have been off my blog! But here are a few thoughts: -
Things I have learned on my journey to thirty...
- There will always be empty bottles in the bathroom
- Help won't come unless you ask for it, ever!
I remember at around 21 or 22 telling those around me that nothing that bad had ever happened to me, it's true I could have been smug. I had spoken too soon - there were some big changes to come. With those changes came some terrible loneliness, mainly because I couldn't articulate what sort of help I needed!
- When it feels like things are going wrong, try and walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
It's surprising how many of us forget to think about what it would actually be like to be somebody else. As I have grown, I have realised we are all here, trying the very best we can. Most of us have only the best of intentions, and very few of us actually take glee in hearing of another's misfortunes. That can be hard to remember...but...
- I actually have less stuff now than I have ever had before.
It's funny, thinking about all the stuff I used to have. I used to have tonnes of it! I finally got it down to one ute load, two moves ago. And I have never been happier. I can find things, I hold only onto the best I have, and I honestly believe I am one of the luckiest people ever!
- Men, when asked to clean, will clean floors first, always!
- Things change, and when they do, they change really quickly.
Think Joan Didion and The Year of Magical Thinking.
- I believe I have aged quickly in the last three years, but have also gained wisdom.
Much of it's been tough, particularly the 2 years after the assault. Basically, I am sick of tiptoeing around the actual impact this has had on my life. I look in the mirror and it's quite plain I am no longer as young nor naive, and much of my sparkle had disappeared. All of this had the potential to destroy me, and a day hasn't passed where it hasn't shadowed me, even briefly. But I feel so much joy now the matter has passed and I realise it's in my power to get on with my life. Not withstanding a bad nightmare here and there...
- I have been skinny skinny and much too comfy curvy in my twenties.
And you can be skinny and anxious and chubby and happy... I don't think weight has much to do with it... but I simply refuse to look back on my life when I'm older and think I have dieted for 20 or something years... I have never said no to a good meal...
- The 'creative' friends you make often end up crazy and mean.
I have had so many faaabulous friends. They have been hilarious, unpredictable and full of endless ideas and opinions. Then often, they treated me just as badly as I saw them treat their other friends, and I was often left feeling shocked, sorry and full of questions. Do I sound bitter? Well the good news is I don't actually feel that bad about it, but remembering, yes, it raises my ire and I wish to warn others! Well, these days my friends seem to be much more stable, as I am, and they are very nice people.
- It's easy to lose the ones you love when you or they work too much.
This includes talking constantly about work, being 'absent' even though you are in the room, and bringing work home is a routine, not an exception. Mostly boring!
- I don't smoke anymore, but I used to really like it.
Lots and lots and I smoked many many packs! I smoked before work, between courses, in front of my parents (eventually) and basically, when I was given any excuse!! These days even if I light up when drunk I almost vomit. This would be very hard for people around me to believe... but it's true and it makes me happy!
-Envy is a waste of time and energy
I know, it's so simple, I know, but it's worth saying. I've worked with enough wealthy have-it-all 20 somethings to know much of it is to look good, not be good. Or it is brought on by wealthy or well-connected parents. To me it seems to be a knot that gets tighter and tighter then becomes difficult to undo. Read Affluenza or Richistan and get on with it.
- I'm 30 and I don't have a permanent job.
As a child of baby boomers, this probably causes me the most anxiety in my life. I simply try and not look too far into the future... and in reality, I have been in permanent contract work of some type for 5 years this October! That's not to say I'd like a bit of job security as I look to the future... and it's so hard to make plans when you have no idea where you'll be in 12 months time...
- Love and listening is the best support you can give.
Thanks Mark, my mio bello (yes I know it's bad Italian grammar.) And thanks friends and family, I'm glad to have made it. There have been a few times I almost didn't and I don't say it lightly. Shit happens.
My direction from here is I'm still trying to create a small and perfect life, I feel much more with it these days and I have gotten much better at taking life one moment at a time.
There is only 24 hours in a day and I like to live and breathe all I can of it... thanks for playing your part in getting me to thirty.
Laura xx
PS This last year hs been the best of my life!
