Playing the waiting in game in teaching ends up being more like a juggling game. And to be deeply honest about it, it also makes me sick!
I have been worrying about my 2009 job situation since coming back from holidays and starting Term 4 (as I have every year.) At that stage there is never much to do about it other than worry, it usually starts for me with a bit of interrupted sleep, and some negative scary thoughts that are easy to divert because life is too busy!!
This is paired with the very liberating thoughts of 'if I could do anything at work, what would it be?' And for me, it usually comes back to 'doing exactly the job I'm doing now, just better!'
And so my mind flips back and forth.
And then it gets more intense. It got particularly more intense for me last week because I found out on one day that infact my current job wasn't being continued next year (the first time since I began teaching 5 years ago.)
And then the very next day I went for a job interview that I really liked, and gulp, I'd really like to have the job - it's just that I haven't found out yet whether I was successful, one way or the other.
It's like my feet are in concrete, and my mind just can't rest!! I have trouble concentrating, sleeping, and focusing on any particular moment.
And in the meantime, do I apply for more jobs? Get my casual CV ready? I mean, I like to have all bases covered but this feels a bit ridiculous, the interview appeared to go really well.
So here I am juggling. My feelings are all up in the air and I'd love to see where they land. I am basically coming to a point where I feel very fatigued and exhausted from the ongoing struggle.
There is no headhunting for NSW teachers (ha ha!), no agent to act upon my behalf. I have to literally get in the car and get myself to the front desk of practically every school I'd like to work at - sort of a misuse of resources, because at many schools, the front office staff are not even the people who employ casuals, it's just to 'be seen making the effort.'
I hope I just find out soon about this permanent job - someone please put me out of my misery. I'm sort of embarrassed that so many people at my current work know about my current situation as well, and I'll feel a bit weird if I fail, it can be a pretty judgmental environment at times.
I don't normally air this sort of thing on my blog, but I put it here for a couple of reasons. Mainly, so I will be able to look back and laugh when everything is OK. Secondly, there are so many good teachers in my situation at this time of the year, and it's nice putting it out there, so nobody feels on their own in the midst of madness!
